Several weeks ago I found out that a friend of mine from college, who was pregnant, had a 13-week ultrasound and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I was so sad for her and remember thinking that this could happen to me too. There was a pit in my stomach that continued to grow. I had never been very nervous about a pregnancy before but something kept nagging at me that I should be prepared.
I went for my second ultrasound yesterday and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I was 11 weeks and it looks like the fetus stopped developing at about 10 weeks. I was so sad. But I was surprised to find that almost immediately I felt comforted. I had the thought that this was the way it was supposed to be and that it would be okay. I came home to a loving husband, who tenderly put his arms around me and held me. Then, after some time alone, Rachel, who has not been feeling well, came into my room with tears in her eyes and asked if she could lay down with me. I don't think there could have been any better therapy than to lay down and cry with Rachel. I had an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for the two beautiful children I have and for my loving husband. I'm thankful to a loving Father in Heaven who has given me so much and helped me to prepare for this moment of sadness and loss.
